A Mix

WARNING : this is going to be a long, self-express post, no offend, no other purposes

These few days I really got myself tied up, I understand the feeling that every one in our group don't feel happy that we are not being agreed...

But I must said, I felt 10 times more than what all of you felt, I felt even more than upset...

So far, it's like a bomb deep inside my heart, I know I shouldn't put it this way, but until that day when our idea is not being agreed, I can totally confirmed that's what worried me so far...

So far a bomb that stayed inside me and I tried so hard to forget, to ignore......

When ms leung mentioned it, I knew, what I thought, what I felt was true....

Don't ever tell me ms leung tried to stepped down on us, I don't think she wanted that to happen too...

Although I, myself found it very hard to take her words, I knew, she is making it very clear to us, she is trying her very best to help us identify the problem...

What she mentioned, I totally understand, and I totally agreed... Not that I don't want to support our group, do you ever know that what ms leung said I already mentioned in our discussion...

Don't said I didn't voice out... I stated it very CLEARLY !!!!!!!

And I even mentioned more than once, but as the feedback I got:

1. "You can't always want us to follow your idea, you also must consider our idea..."

2. "Where got illogical? Where got not make sense?....."

3. "You are very hard to get along with... always want your idea only..."

4. "Don't think too much..."

THESE are what I got...

*Sigh* I'm not here to blame anyone.. but at that moment when ms leung mentioned the problems, I got really sad because we could totally avoid these....

But.............. you all........... NEVER trust me... DON'T EVER TRUST ME in the very beginnning...

Till this happen, I totally know how you all think of me, think me as a person that

self-centered

couldn't accept other people's idea

wouldn't want to change idea

would strongly prefer to stick with my own idea...

And, you all NEVER NEVER think me as a Scriptwriter that will stands at the script point to voice out the problems...

I got really disappointed with this....

Another matter is since I accept the post as Scripwriter, I NEVER EVER avoid from bearing any consequences....

I know if anything happen, it's my responsibility to bear the consequences, I'm ready to bear it anyway....

But, WE ARE ONE TEAM.... please let me feel that IT'S WORTH FOR ME TO BEAR CONSEQUENCES!!!!!!! I really got mad with those in our group who KEEP ON PUTTING BACK FIRE !!!!!!!!!

Don't understand, nevermind.... I explain ! Don't know, nevermind... I tell ! Don't agree, nevermind... I listen !

But when everyone agreed, everything fixed, don't ever want to change it...

And the worst thing, when we are facing third party, you don't think us as a group, you think yourself individually... you reveal the problems to the third party, and when we got tease back by the third party, how do you EXPECT ME TO RESPOND ????????!!!!!!!!! And, finally, you think that the third party is purposely teasing us !!!!

You don't even understand, when we face a third party, we are actually fighting....

That time, in that war, I knew only 2 person were fighting at the front-line, and you keep on putting back fire, pulling back legs...

NONSENSE !!!!!!!

Now, 3 person facing a third party, two person got speechless, and you keep on saying nonsense, doing nonsense action, what is your ulterior motives????

You try to show that you are capable??? You try to show not your fault????

Now I know how STUPID you are..... how RIDICULOUS you are............

You can be more IDIOT than that..................... WTF !!!!! (you make me said that)

That night, I knew, it was the suffered night for everyone of us...

That was my tuffest night too.... I felt hardly to come across that night, I cried for the whole night

MAINLY because

I KNEW TRULY I'M NOT BEING TRUSTED

PARTLY because

EVEN OUR GROUP MEMBERS PUT FIRED ON US,

AND OUR IDEA NOT BEING AGREED

Piss OFF !

(Just for the sake of expressing... I felt very fard to get across this....)