It's Always There

I thought I went through it.

Yes, I thought.

But in fact,I realize it's a thought that still always deep in my heart,

and now,

it prove that I'm just too naive,

it's always there.

没了"烦扰" 但也少了你

几经盼望 终于盼到了
但是还是失落而归

在倒数新生活的日子里
欣喜没了"烦扰"
可是
失去你 却是我意料之外的事

是我期望太高？
还是早该预料到会少了你
这...
应该就是所谓的无缘吧
想着想着
心里不自觉哼起了"少了你的我该怎么办"

荒谬事实还是无中生有?

最近 有些事情很烦

或许也是人生中其中一件不如意的事

只是....... 比较严重?

为什么会搞到今天这种局面?

是我太嫩不明白 还是你们太复杂?

理性说:"不要想 不要面对"

心里说:"好害怕 无助 错综复杂"

没有结果

依然受折磨

好像.... 也只能不理会 和保持沉默.....

Can I Not Be Brave?

I seldom have this feeling, but this time...

I don't know how to describe.

I just feel like I don't want to be brave this time.

This world, change too rapid,

unpredictable matter always couldn't keep up with planning.

It's scary, it's breathless.

我... 真的... 不是你想像的那么勇敢~~

I Did Mind

2 years, it's not a long neither short period.

I thought I've forgot what did I feel 'on that time', but obviously after 2 years, I realize it's still clearly craved in my heart and mind.

When my friend ask me about you, my heart is painful.

"Stranger..." this is the only word I spoke. Yes, indeed, we are stranger now.

How stupid I am, how naive I am.

I thought although we have wouldn't have any relation, but you will still keep our last promise, but you didn't. And, I'm the only stupid person in the world who still keeping this promise. I never thought I have this day....

On the last day, I actually found out you never, instead, keep our last promise. But I did keep our promise till now.

I thought I don't mind, but my bleeding heart told me I did mind, I very mind...

How could you gave people a feeling that you love peace...

How could you mentioned I was the culprit of all these matter instead I was the victim...

How could you never even spoke what you did...

How could you be so unfair to me...

All these unanswerable question appear to me...

I did mind what you did!

"Diaries" Fault

I never expect. Today, once again, you choose to hurt me.

I know you willl say you didn't.

But I knew. Since the day when we hand in topic that we want to do.

I can sense it. Strongly. You will hurt me. And, I admit, I couldn't stand with it.

Are you happy?? This is what you want to see isn't it??

Since the day I knew the truth, there's no turning back.... no matter what...

Hurt is done and it will be there forever and ever....

Miserable

Tired of everything's in life..

No matter how hard I tried..
How hard to live happily...
Still, I'm physically and mentally exhausted..

Life didn't go smooth..
Things remain unchanged...
I'm still the one who suffered all this..

No matter what...

I'm still on my own..

Alone on my own...

Maybe..
This is a part of my life...

I couldn't mananged to avoid..

Is that really just a feeling

2.43am, late mid night but currently do not feel sleepy.. or maybe I'm having insomnia again... Mind is flying here and there non-stop, everything seems fresh in my mind... Couldn't understand why I will definitely feel this during mid night, am I really miss out something in my life? predicting my life after next Monday, 7th May.. that's my 3 weeks holiday... that's the time for me to rest my head nad heart.. Hopefully I could feel stable in this holiday.. Emotion lately keep increasing and decreasing sharply.. Nothing cause it but a weird expression from heart... My heart is now as fragile as this....
Thinking that.... maybe.... I still need to develop myself and recover from past bad experience.... Just like sickness... hope I can get well soon...

Run from life

It's already a few days having gastric.. it seems like it didn't get any better.. mood also didn't change.. still depressed, struggling in heart.. day after day I realize I don't know how to face human.. sad to say that human is too complicated in their own way.. you wish everything should be fine and ok but it isn't go your way.. you wish to have the ability to solve every problem in your life but you definitely couldn't.. and that's the reason why most of the people choose to run away from life.. dilemma is one part of life which we couldn't avoid.. for me, I don't think I'm brave enough to face my life.. yet I don't have the ability to face human.. I've done my best.. I hope I am.. when I don't know what should I do it's most probably the time for me to run.. or what I can say is my ability only allow me to run away..

Suffering.....

Having a tiring day lately... Lots of mid-term (although it's over now, if not I'm also won't be able to write my blog right?? hahaha :p) This time I'm really in dangered... don't know how to answer... especially M'sia Cultural and Religious practices mid-term... It's killing me... already suffered in listening lecture, now it pull me in half-death mode... 1 hour paper but I think I waste a lot of time starring at the question... *sad* I tell myself no matter I know it or not I have to write but I really don't know what to write.... Writing seems very difficult at that time... 10marks has been given back to lecturer... To Mr Lee--> I'm so sorry, I really don't know what is mood and motivation according to Clifford Greetz.... although I don't know, plase do not fail me if possible.... Life is just going to be suffered until September.... T_T

Life

Not really in a good mood lately... tired and stress surrounded me... scared a lot of things.. a lot of trouble coming to me too... *sigh* sometimes I seems like helpless, useless... life is just meaningless at that moment... Hard to find a way out although I really want to... Everybody still busy with their own work... no one will actually stop by and take a look on themselves... on future and past... I love my past but I don't know appreciate at that time.. time flies... life is really not going to return to zero... I'm still myself... growing up in my own world...